This talk is an ode to all the failed projects, bad code, and other crazy things that software engineers, managers, and coworkers do. Have you been on a project death march, or a project you knew was a train wreck? Or perhaps you've seen code that defies all logic? Whether it's ruining the integrity of a database, or eating up all the available memory on a machine, every day we see engineers making bad choices, and causing projects to fail. In this session, we'll review 20 years of fails in the industry witnessed by the speaker. You won't be left hanging though, as we'll discuss what you can do instead to ensure the success of your projects.